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I Feel Safe With You, Trash

by of Montreal

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1.
Carton Aesthesis (o portão) acquiesce to truly have an aesthesis being true to you is always thrills reality’s become a trauma artist i’m choosing now to not hate-watch regrets want to stage lives now that i’ve vowed to save you from this awful place our ears burn at the sound of my name ‘cause when they look at me babe i know what they see i know how they see me
2.
she said “we can survive anything if we fake it” in feel bad Covid summer still in love with the roller queen the trolls misapprehensions that i am a living thing fuck me i’m a hologram i need a new reputation we can survive anything if we fake it lovers leap where edgelords fear to trend i was experienced on Gaspar’s mountain and now i’m a Giallo kill those things are just spectacle my lives are hyper real we can unmask the truscum and we can survive anything if we fake it artificial ovaries which you pressed to your artificial breast in absolute triumph if she were here now i’d take this switchblade and make us blood brothers the kind without gentrification of libido one in which no one is smiling into their phones i keep having these moments of flash terror like i’m about to understand something to be viewed as a cautionary tale and why people are such trash that is to say i feel safe with you Trash, i feel so safe with you Trash i feel so safe
3.
how can we know what we are if we don’t know what we’re not? how can we know what we’re not if we know that we’re everything and nothing? oh God i’m here to serve you I am here to deserve your love we could be each other’s eternal joy reality is a sloppy bitch it really loves to intrude I compare thee to a saturnalia if I may be so crude oh God now we are extras in the unreality show that’s called Hate On The Spectrum yeah though you and I don’t have to watch no we don’t have to step on butterflies we can be chill and we could be each other’s eternal joy
4.
lying breezes von Trier’d my sitcom greeks bit actual skyroom each day reprises desperate acts of pathetic men who all wish us bad luck I’m talking to touch I am talking to hear talking too much I am talking to understand what I am trying to say that I am queer for you (we’re here for you) queer as love because they break our hearts in some new way every single day to damage diagonally I can’t turn off ‘cause I’m on the spectrum edgeplay that drove messiahs insane when they could have just been some dancers instead when they could have just been schizophrenic instead I am talking to understand what I am trying to say that is that I am queer for you (we’re here for you) queer as love
5.
they said love was just for fags I laughed and then felt bad they said their birth name was a pejorative they said everyone should wow themselves ‘cause it will kill the desert if we make it fertile they said “every time i look at my phone I get brain damage” “by every blamedead person I get lobotomized” we shared the paranoid thought that you’d get decommissioned if we fall out of love I go to hell tears pierced watching Chick Strand’s stop Soft Fiction I three kings learned a new scale today call it ARTCORE now that’s what I call Freewave the killer wanted buttons made in feelbad songs of Covid summer
6.
when you die everything else dies there is no life outside of your mind but when you live you’re keeping me alive, if I die it will only be in your mind I’m not afraid of mind control, man I can’t even control it myself waking up is logging in and nothing’s real that I feel so my hands search i sense and a body forms again puncturing the void of winter afternoons alone what’s the Japanese word for witch? that’s what I want to be first crucifixions rarely take they’re always fake I’ve been experienced I have insight drugs administered via satellite a horror poem unfolds and our love adorns it
7.
I’m macho I’m femme call me they call me them bikini boys in the summer scum want nothing and you and…scene thought rats scurry over hypnosis or what’s left of the friend chat the scents of killers the Eyes Of Mars the seven blood gangs of the parietal I’m liminal I’m free call me he call me she I said I’m macho I’m femme call me they call me them in this place one way or another you’re gonna get radicalized oh but my lives they’re unreal those things are only a spectacle thorns are cool thorns save lives thorns get me into trouble but I always survive in a circle of one sounding a drum to a bodysong what can I say it’s gonna happen either way like a Burroughs to Capote curse written in a rabid free verse if you fellate the crown’s prick you run afoul of the Syndicate smart kids say no disabusing crow drones what could they possibly glean out of a liar’s mind? thorns are cool thorns save lives thorns get me into trouble but I always survive still it’s not a lot of fun dealing with truscum in a circle of one and a bodysong what can I say it’s gonna happen either way now you got no brain how do you get fucked up? what? now you got no brain how do you get fucked up?
8.
the great white dementia’s movement to be credulous at all costs but failing badly ooo true beauty forever I took all the pain I have in my mind, shaped it into a triangle and drowned it in a pool of blood true beauty forever puncturing the void negative space is mostly femme energy the crucifixion of Christ was edgeplay until he got off I’m a black widow and I don’t bite you so I guess i’m in love! it isn’t swimmer’s tears it’s drowner’s tears that we girls cry the cops are taking up way too much bandwidth we wouldn’t be watching this garbage if it could be turned off true beauty forever take a photo of me losing stars chanting spells in your dead name is only elastic true beauty forever I walk alone in a body made for multitudes always alone in this body made for multitudes I’m a black widow and I don’t bite you so I guess i’m in love! it isn’t swimmer’s tears it’s drowner’s tears that we girls cry
9.
am I a creep ‘cause I don’t have a chosen pronoun? am I a creep because my mind is the Odeon of the multiverse? how you bragged your length of legs by insisting to walk to Midtown microchips looking miserable in a Greenpoint gallery I bounced between bars full of ink alone as a pinball yes that alone now your long haired friend is looking for his cocaine and I’m happy my drinks not empty as long as there’s something left in the glass you don’t look like an alcoholic she sometimes/always appears to be plural I oversing ambivalence ovary venom as a first confession now that she shaved her head we’re all one big comb over he developed a craving for impotent men who peacock themselves invisible and being very ugly for tips gentrification of libido self-titled just like New York City itself ragout the streetware of horsemanship I can dance with you we took too much bitter anonymous performative abuse and now we can’t sleep she changed her name by one letter leaving nothing to discretion fuckheads is the new preferred auto-correction every idea is aquatic life no thought is the sea that’s the only tear I’ve never cried it cried for me gray babies ululating outside the afternoon door horror vacui conversation I don’t adore mi amor
10.
all the bitter tears we girls cry at least wait until I’m dead to do that dance on my grave I don’t ask for help that’s why I’m seen as inhuman I’m choosing not to pay attention that much I need you to talk to the unreality so I can believe that I don’t know me acting out of hive is not Dolls Kill being true to you is always thrills realty’s become a trauma artist I’m choosing now to not hate-watch regrets want to stage lives I’m not worth the razor waves some bastard song we all agree on these are the bitter tears we girls cry all the bitter tears we girls cry acquiesce to truly have an aesthesis monosyllabic horizons collide to shatter shells of them now claiming fragility we clap come-ons and improvise I just want to get so smashed I spontaneously jump into your lap both of us burn to the sound of my name these are the bitter tears we girls cry all the bitter tears all the angry tears we girls cry
11.
disembodied host, i’ll wake up Goldenbraid electricity lies about a lot slogans are cool but I hate rules protest anthems are novelty songs things would be different if he didn’t do acid with Caroline I run with a coterie of trash, i prefer the company of trash all polars on bi ‘cause i’m a gemini unreality show, when screaming I see numbers memory’s a robot aporia, not to misery engage rat clap to pyramid nudes, time is made of plastic it used to be glass so i hang with a coterie of trash, i prefer the company of trash nothing really lasts quite like garbage i run with a coterie of trash, i prefer the company of trash all polars on bi ‘cause i’m a gemini
12.
I’m just a practical N.B.P. I know that time is made out of plastic and not really free from crime as it is understood like any jaguar god in the month of Pox vomiting blood all over vultures and kicking the fuck out of true scum dolly boys (dolly tracer doll eraser) i don’t have to tell, we’re not doing well, you know we live in Hell okay well than even in Hell people get offended even in Hell people get offended even in Hell people get defensive apotheosis kindergarten god is a shipwreck I know how much you love that I’m a nasty girl, a freak of sophistication the species is queen they send their phalli into space i always want you to be the one that comes first ‘cause I love to watch your body crescendo and I never need a cue ‘cause Sessi I wrote the play in a homicidal thrash I am dead to taste your ash i’m a scum to film you crash i feel so safe with you TRASH!! TRASH!!!!! TRASH!!!!!! TRASH!!!!!!!!
13.
I will protect you from this awful place I know you so well that it’s fiction, got to get out of our head my face is a dead link you won’t find me there my eyes dead link absentee ballet zero for conduct all we used to be made out of glass glass and blood glass and blood not for… for Tristeza… not for Tristeza Trsiteza casting spells in your dead name is elastic her striking temperature according use to object extract the masculine germ from remote memory now that all my thoughts are phantom pains pains pains I was a mad idea traced in the sand I was a mad idea traced in the sand where misery is deify-able I will protect you from this awful place a horror poem unfolds and our love absorbs it
14.
the sea doesn’t have to give a fuck to keep it’s octopi alive I’m too weird to be truly loved, a kiss from a nasty coroner simplicity posing as mutation take a photo of me losing stars while you say “kill yourself LOL” Sessi all my thoughts are phantom pains that disappear just like a drowner’s tears repeat the delete the sounding boy and as you are a fire sign electricity lies about a lot born to oblong confine acoustic “She”, essential way of seeing women of doubt you need to stop talking so you can start listening to yourself we’re not really living we’re just surviving fear is made out of plastic it used to be made out of glass become an acolyte and bite my temple you need to stop talking a kiss from a coroner it’s listlessly working trolls on the dm saying “kill yourself lol” you kill myself lol i’m a black widow and I don’t bite you so I guess I’m in love I must be in love screaming is just numbers when you scream I just see numbers i slide off the Spectrum, lovers leap where edgelords fear to trend equatorial hemorrhage is a dead link be careful what you say to men, they’re always recording
15.
I am not the cosmos I’m not that gauche put two words together and watch the reaction I’m macho I’m femme call me they call me them you know that we can survive anything if we fake it let’s remake Yamagata forest flutes, pharmaceutical fireworks blowing up the Delaware sky, smirking under Covid masks true commuter digression hobbled than the Dharma detesting downers like hearing Like Flies On Sherbert alone, no one should be that alone
16.
I don’t wanna be famous for the way I click my heels I don’t wanna be famous for all the ideas I steal I don’t wanna be famous for taming the shrew I wanna be famous for killing you I don’t wanna be famous for fucking the blots I don’t wanna be famous for sucking the goss I don’t wanna be famous for playing the ingénue I just wanna be famous for killing you I just want to be killing you I just just want to be killing you I..they said “i don’t think you understand” they said…hold up I just want to be killing you I just just want to be killing you I don’t wanna be famous for being so damned I don’t wanna be famous for anything I am I don’t wanna be famous for my trashy retinue I wanna be famous for killing you I just want to be killing you I just just want to be killing you I..they said “i know we’re all just holograms” they said… I just want to be killing you I just just want to be killing you
17.
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry all day she made a post, reaction was gross, they want her to roast, they want her to ghost she was sad before now she’s almost dead all over that thought falling out of her head I don’t really get a scene like that, why you gotta treat a little bean like that? it’s so toxic man there’s no concern no place to learn they just want her to burn because everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry all day I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry all day people are ugly when you ignore me i have no future ‘cause i am too stormy i barely exist ‘cause of how much I bore me wet butcher’s fisting all of the normies my heart is a dead link because everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad everybody’s got to feel bad
18.
the animus blamed war away, fears not daring her to soldier in idol radiation peak according use to chanted object i’m seeing women un-terrified unsimplified in smooth body screams wax manager seeing doubt it left to seeing notes of violence, AblanatanalbA who needs a heart when a heart does murder? pissing on itself in heaven’s garbage if no one’s watching then nobody is like sad Swedish bros just doing their drain who needs a heart when a heart does murder? pissing on itself in heaven’s garbage if no one’s watching then nobody is just my Kcrraannggaanngg!! communicated as a verb, genders make such quaint diversions confined disciple to living egg spectate the woman so un-terrified ravisher showing pretty black needles as mutations go radiant in smooth body cry bleary flesh lids the forest to flatter girls that don’t die who needs a heart when a heart does murder? pissing on itself in heaven’s garbage if no one’s watching then nobody is like Gravity bros just doing their drain who needs a heart when a heart does murder? pissing on itself in heaven’s garbage if no one’s watching then nobody is just my Kcrraannggaanngg!!
19.
the old me is the new me’s scourge, the new me is the old me’s emotional janitor i need a new reputation, lovers leap where edgelords fear to trend oh the old me is the new me’s scourge yet again I bounce from bar to bar fully thinking/hearing songs wishing that they’d cover Cage’s 4’33” dark to bark to socialize and tarot sodomy peeing blood to show your sad, cringey content of the new nomad, pig-fisted pacifists Ave Maria of implied amputees a party walk up says an L.E.S. crow drone humming Radiohead just to be a jerk the waitress offers me menzanivadi from a cross I smile with no expression my depression is a plus he checked his watch and there’s still barely forty years to kill listening to Karlheinz chop up children and then run for joy entering the common room and barking until we get banned every image I absorb isn’t inherently consensual the new me the new me the new me says “i’m pretty bored being your emotional janitor” the old me the old me the old me says “ i kept his homeless poem in a cage with it’s latch open to free range” the C.I.A. killed the Black Panthers that’s the real war on Christmas Lovers leap where edgelords fear to trend, the old me is the new me’s scourge yet again oh I need a new reputation the old one is terrorizing the new, the old one’s terrorizing the new me
20.
everything is psychedelic everything is a bad trip a bad trip I don’t really have any feeling about it I mean I have a feeling and I don’t care a film without narration a film with dialogue a film without imagery a film without sound a horror poem unfolds and our love absorbs it I slide off the spectrum I don’t fall anywhere i’m not counting errors I feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trashI feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trash I feel safe with you trash

about

recorded at Sunlandic Studios March to November 2020

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released March 5, 2021

all songs written/produced/performed/mixed by Kevin Barnes
art work by David and Owen Barnes
art layout and design by Christina Schneider
mastered by Mike Nolte

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of Montreal Athens, Georgia

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