1. |
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i do wrong, strictly speaking, just for myself
because it makes me feel like a real man to hold hegemony over my biznezzz
and i refuse to be abused by the milieu of wistful decay
besides i’m used to all of my scruples deserting me like they’ve done today
the lady from the block hunched over on the stoop with her withered old titty out
saying “i’ve been rolled so many times, it’s just feeding the pigeons”
now her grandson swings a living rabbit by the leg while his mother’s playing two wooden flutes
i went to repo some fugitive air to escape the street’s vagary aesthetic
has anybody here seen my old friend Blob? oh has anybody seen where he’s gone?
what he thinks i owe him is his former life, but how can i unmake somebody else’s mistakes?
i guess i was his anti-hero, the bitter word on his lips, i hope i never feel a terror like when you discovered your autonomy had flipped
i feel like i possess only the bad aspects of invisibility but none of the good ones
are we walking mausoleums of scented rotting flesh?
mother always liked you best, liked your teeth upon her breasts
they removed the oils from the eyes of street cats, through some shitty witchcraft, and apply it to their brows and genitalia
i had no idea how deeply i wounded you, but i don’t need no forgiveness, and no level of contrition will ever do
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2. |
Obsidian Currents
03:54
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you like to think that you can live beyond good and evil
amputated from humanity on some life long intellectual retreat
when everything is conceptual and all is rhetorical you can feel so powerful
but when you’re forced to face the physical world you scurry like an insect
there is a virus in your tenets, don’t be naive, you know it’s true
and if you don’t protect yourself, obsidian currents will devour you
you have committed yourself wholly to the dominion of semantics and ideas
all things cerebral and abstract with no patience for impractical emotions
burning everyone who ever tried to get close to you
but you’re so lizard like you don’t feel any passion for anything but yourself
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3. |
Belle Glade Missionaries
05:54
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belle glade missionaries are here to steal your cocaine
you better send your malaria to puncture their brains and send them back to where they came from
send them back to their savannas of disease
from your first psychotic episode to your drug induced schizophrenia it’s your dysphoric mania that makes you so like-able and everybody wanna save you
save you just for themself
they’re letting children get blown up in their schools today so they can get them back into their factories
you know it pains me to see you all being so betrayed but i guess you’ll never know so it doesn’t matter
my fever must be high because these bitter winter winds have made the bones in my jaw go hollow and there’s a sense that there’s a prowler on the prairie
leaving hair on the walls
we helped to flatten the sounds that bound down Dolores St. and my greatest fear released into someone else’s consciousness and now it’s theirs to contend with
ah but still there’s these razors to pretend with
i have the sense you wanna be the female Henry Miller,
cynically referring to your lovers as your pricks and exploiting other people’s madness
on Nexus
you claimed to have called out to me telepathically through all archaic mediums, but i never once heard you so i think you were just lying again
i feel like i’ve been Becket’s Molloy-d like something nature people avoid like all my talent’s been destroyed like i’m a para-spectral voice with no choices at the present
still there’s a value in things unpleasant
well you post naked gif’s of your epileptic fits and keep track of your hits and your friends don’t give a shit and view your fugues with amusement
of all the evil in the universe there are no victims only participants
i can’t trust my instincts lately, they don’t feel organic, they feel more synthetic
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4. |
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what i recall, remember best, is the insanity and the clatter
misapprehensions are killing you but not fast enough to really matter
the flume of your struggle is flooded with sorrow and it poisons everybody near it
but i’m not a patron of yours anymore, don’t want to hear it, the sirens of your toxic spirit
of your addictions and shiftiness inherited from your father
i know you struggle to keep them in check, but at this point why even bother?
what friendships you have left, they’re not derived from love, they’re just some warped form of charity
i’ve wounded you and you’ve wounded you too, at least we can feel good about the parity
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5. |
Colossus
03:36
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your mother hung herself in the National Theater when she was four months pregnant with your sister who would’ve been thirteen years old today
does that make you feel any less alone in the world?
your dad i’m sure he tried his best, he thought you’d be better off living with your grandmother, he didn’t realize that she’d already given up
baby your family they are all just losers
i become such a wolf around you, my thoughts go dark and all out of focus
i have no peace in my mind because you, you’ve touched me
the screech owls are going insane outside my house, it is the season for trouble and self destruction, all of my friends they are falling apart, but not me i am in control
remember the exquisite corpse that we created together? we laughed at the time, it seemed so impenetrable but reading it now i think i understand what it is that we’re trying to steal from each other
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6. |
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the last ten days have been a motherfucker, i didn’t know if i’d survive
the voice with the synapse that calls blood bats into action has now entered the tablelands
it’s only natural to feel a little imbalanced, it’s a symptom of your hysterical need to be understood
you had to forgive your enemy cause it wa\s making you psychotic to keep fighting him inside of your head
but how could you allow these people whom you don’t even respect to rape your self concept and make your inner world an ugliness?
thrashed through the forest like a tormented brute, i had to make myself a monster just to feel something ugly enough to be true
and then scratching wildly at the mirror in my heart to see their doleful faces
what is the flaw in just running away? running away fixes everything, how can i why should i stay? just to view the triumph of disintegration?
to live beneath language, or far above, it’s really not that different
at least now that the one thing that is good about me has begun to express itself in malicious ways
thrashed through the forest like a tormented brute, i had to make myself a monster just to feel something ugly enough to be true
and then scratching wildly at the mirror in my heart to see their doleful faces
what is the flaw in just running away? running away fixes everything, how can i why should i stay? just to see the triumph of disintegration? victories of devastation?
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7. |
Amphibian Days
05:04
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in the pen with the mastiffs bred to fight rats in the bowels of the arena
i received a kiss without promise that produced deformities of happiness
the laughter there is viscous it leaves a residue down the legs of the chairs
since you lost the will to hear they get your attention grabbing fistfuls of your hair
these amphibian days they will not heel to you
you can’t defy the defining flaw of your generation
the heavens vomited the dawn upon us as we learned how to occupy photographs
she descended a stairway composed of silk and flicked her cigarette
as i sweat through my black hex i saw you two climax in spasms through a frosted window
you both came in electronics and anthemic bursts of unsanitary flames
if this is Tartarus, which of us is Echidna which one Arakiel?
this bastard conveyance of extinct emotions that we know only in our cells
i labour to tempt you out of your cage and into my patrol
until this vessel lands i have decided to ignore all impulse control
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8. |
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like some sepulchral tableaux i sit frozen holding your hand
though i’m trying to think only positive thoughts i understand
that this tomorrow may not be the tomorrow that your eviscerating suffering will end
will you ever be yourself again?
girl with the flu, i hear the death rune, she ain’t doing well, her eyes they seem cast and fatherless
her psyche’s cracked or anyhow she ain’t speakin now
nightfall, like some leaden sea, dilates as i hold vigil by your bed
watching the pillowcase soaking with sweat around your head
i can’t repel the snaking veil of morbidity that’s disfiguring the seraph of your face
the organisms been debased
girl with the flu, i hear the death rune, she ain’t doing well, her eyes they seem cast and fatherless
her psyche’s shattered or anyhow she ain’t speakin now
you scream that the books are falling off the shelves on to you but i can’t see them
your hallucination ravings i’m writing them all down so you can read them when your mind no longer aches and your febrility breaks
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9. |
Hegira Émigré
04:02
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up in the hills they are having a white riot, with no violence or protesting for change they simply buy it
if you’re thinking i’m Caucasian well i’m actually grey, i was conceived on Ash Wednesday and stoned on Christmas Day
my baby’s meditating to stop the war but i got myself a rifle cause i ain’t gonna get walked on anymore
out my window i see a battle of hawks, my best friend has been dead for years but still we have great talks
and just like the planets we will never touch just float around in space not expecting very much
we feel such hunger like vampire bats, i got myself a gang and we’re called
the Sleep Rats
i was out in the desert hunting UFO all i saw were scorpions and aliens i already know
she gave him head till she lost a tooth, that’s what you get for molesting people in the dj booth
i used to be a palace now i’m just a dive, i made a widow out of you even though i’m still alive
my baby’s vegetating to stop the war but i got myself a rifle cause i ain’t gonna get walked on anymore
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10. |
Raindrop in My Skull
02:47
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there’s a raindrop in my skull, i’m too shaky now to get it out
i guess it fell from some far away cloud bloated with radiation
some people are singing of the birth of another soulless drone who’ll grow to leach off the earth
my guitar feels strange in my hands, i have almost no tactile perceptions
on the tv there’s a Mexican horror film, it isn’t dubbed, i’m not really watching
some people are singing of the birth of another philistine who’ll grow to ravage the earth
last night, when you left me, i took a walk through the fog and the gossamer light of the strawmoon, the haunting strangely humid pitch of winter’s waning
then my recurring dream of the swarm
there’s a raindrop in my skull, i’m too messed up now to get it out
it must’ve fallen when my mind was somewhere else, now i am fixating on it
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11. |
Imbecile Rages
04:00
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your folks they are such lovely people, i can’t understand where you came from
how long can it possibly take for one to realize that the dream is over?
how many more nights must you just humiliate yourself?
the pollution from your imbecile rages is licking at your heels
blotting red streaks across the desert of my eyes
i have no hope for you anymore
when you said to my woman at the show that we were just desperately breathing life into a dead ghost,
do you really think these things you say, they won’t get back to me?
i guess you feel like you’ve got this lifetime pass and you can be a dick and it doesn’t matter
but i’m through yeah i’m set free and basically you’re just dead to me
the pollution from your imbecile rages is licking at your heels
blotting red streaks across the desert of my eyes
i have no hope for you anymore
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